


So no one told you life was gonna be this way

by MissBlue



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games)
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Canon What Canon, Gen, This contains no plot. Do not expect one., avoid if allergic to fluff, contains Sera/Dagna if you squint really hard, heads-up: contains smidges of Cullrian - avoid if allergic, if you're looking for romance - sorry, is being mentioned but not abused, it's a birthday party that's it really, music recommendation:, of course, only if you're so inclined, please excuse my lame attempts at puns, the Friends theme song, the relationships mentioned are all established, this is really Bull-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-12
Updated: 2017-03-12
Packaged: 2018-10-03 07:04:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10238591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissBlue/pseuds/MissBlue
Summary: It's The Iron Bull's 50th birthday and everyone is invited to a big party. I mean it. Everybody is there. Everybody. If they're not mentioned explicitly, just assume they're there anyway.(Well, everyone but Solas.)





	

Bull scanned the room. Low ceiling. Dimly lit. Noisy. Maybe a little bit on the warm side. Full of people.

In short: perfect. 

Everybody he could see (and there were so many people here that he couldn't see all of them at once) seemed to be having a whale of a time. 

There was Varric entertaining at least five people. There was Hawke talking animatedly with a lot of hand gestures and excessive facial expressions, his audience a middle-aged and rather rotund elf who seemed to be – as far as Bull could tell – highly amused. 

There were Skinner and Stitches having an arm-wrestling match. And of course several of the other Chargers egging them on. 

Sera and Dagna were sitting on a table nearby, their heads stuck together, feet dangling. Dagna noticed him looking and grinned at him conspiratorially. Bull grinned back, secretly hoping the mischief she and Sera were clearly up to wouldn't end up disrupting the party . . . 

Bull kept searching the room and finally spotted Herah's horns sticking out. He guessed that she was at the bar, so that's where he set out to go. 

He gently pushed at Cassandra's back in order to make space for himself, the Seeker not bothered in the least, still completely enraptured by Varric's outlandish tale. (At least Bull guessed it was outlandish from the various reactions of his audience, it wasn't like Bull could actually hear what Varric was saying.)

While Bull was slowly making his way through the crowd, his gaze fell on a pair of bodies piled in a chair against the wall. 

Of course it was Dorian, sitting in Cullen's lap. At least Bull guessed it was Cullen, since all he could see was Dorian's back and some legs sticking out from under him. 

Bull was no fan of people separating themselves from the crowd and spending only time with their partners, but he decided that these two were forgiven. To Bull, who was still finding it rather puzzling to navigate 'relationship territory' himself, it was a mystery how Dorian and Cullen made it work. Half of the time Dorian was on the road with the boss, the other half of the time (or rather: 100% of the time) Cullen was drowning in work. 

Bull shook his head, trying to clear away images of sex on a crowded desk and blowjobs under tables. He stopped short when he noticed Leliana coming towards him, apparently making the same way he was making – only in the opposite direction – and balancing two beers and a glass of wine while trying to get people to move out of her way. Bull helpfully took two of the glasses and made a 'Where to?' face. 

Leliana pointed with her finger – at whom Bull couldn't tell. He shrugged and made his way back to where he had come from. 

They had to stop in their tracks when they passed by a group of women and Isabela suddenly decided to show the others some kind of dance move. While Jean, Merrill and Johana tried to mirror Isabela's steps, Bull turned to Leliana.

'Thank you so much for bringing Gemma, by the way! I never thought I'd get to meet the Hero of Ferelden herself!'

'Oh, thank Zevran for that!', Leliana replied, standing on her toes in order to get closer to Bull's ear and be heard over the noise. 

Bull leaned down to her: 'One day you'll have to give me some tips, how to make this long-distance relationship thing work, you know.'

In reply, Leliana just crunched up her face. 'A mabari helps!', she finally yelled back.

'Did you just say "mabari"?!', Bull asked. 

Leliana nodded. 

Bull shook his head. He had never even considered getting a dog, but . . . He should discuss this with Herah, he decided.

Bringing his mind back to the present, Bull grinned at Leliana. 'Can't be easy. Having a wife who doesn't treat her job as a job. More like a calling!'

Leliana rolled her eyes and then simply motioned forward to indicate that they were now free to move past the dancing women (who were doing a bang-up job as far as Bull was concerned, dancing in formation without music, Isabela keeping time by clapping rhythmically).

When they finally reached Garret and Gemma, Bull handed the man and the elf their beers and grinned some more. He couldn't help himself. This whole room and its positive energy simply buoyed him up.

'Having fun?', he asked.

'Absolutely!', Gemma replied while winding an arm around Leliana's waist, saluting Bull with her beer. 

'Gotta get me one of those myself!', Bull said and waved between the glasses and in the general direction of the bar in order to apologize to Hawke and the others for leaving them again so soon. He had of course talked to his star guest earlier in the evening when meaningful conversation was still possible. 

When Bull finally arrived at the bar, he feigned dying from exhaustion by clutching the counter and slowly lowering his head onto it. Herah grinned at his antics. 'Oghren, give the man a beer!', she shouted at the barkeep. Bull barely had time to get his head and horns out of the way before a fresh pint was placed in front of him. 

Bull picked the glass up and clinked with Herah before taking a long draught. He then turned around, leaned back against the bar and tugged Herah towards him in a one-armed hug. Together, they silently observed the bustle as they drank their beers. 

It was Herah who started a conversation with Gwen and Josie. As far as Bull could tell, they were discussing real estate. Gwen and Josie had been engaged for some months now and were still desperately looking for an affordable but nice house not too far from Skyhold. 

Inquisition being a charity, they didn't earn much, even though Gwen was managing director. The big news seemed to be that they had met with a real-estate agent earlier in the day. Mr Fenharel had been recommended to them. He knew the area and the market, they had been assured, some said he had almost supernatural abilities. The first meeting had gone well, apparently. As a result, the women were now more hopeful than ever to finally make some progress in their quest for their dream house. 

As the conversation went on, Bull noticed Dorian making his way towards their little group, dragging Cullen behind him. Bull helpfully ordered beers for the two of them before they even made it to the bar, which both Cullen and Dorian accepted gratefully. 

Almost as soon as he had taken his first sip, Dorian was scanning the room, much like Bull had done earlier. He tugged at Bull's elbow to make the Qunari lean down a bit. 

'I want to go talk to Anders!', he shouted in Bull's ear. Bull nodded. 

Dorian moved to Bull's other side, which put a little distance between him and the ongoing conversation about Gwen and Josie's plans for their new home, now with added commentary from Cullen. Everyone had an opinion on the generally poor state of the housing market, apparently. Or at least everyone but Bull. 

'Would you keep an eye on Cullen?', Dorian asked in Bull's ear. In response, Bull frowned at him. 

'He's not doing so well today', Dorian explained. 'And the last thing I want is for Hawke to come over here and tear into him. I don't think he'd be able to take that today.'

Bull nodded. Dorian bit his lips and nodded, too – a gesture effectively conveying 'I hate to ask this, but thank you for doing it anyway'. He gripped his beer firmly and disappeared into the crowd, Cullen following him with his eyes.

Bull inserted himself back into the group and did his best to distract Cullen, all the while minutely tugging at Herah, which made the others move as well, until Cullen was standing with his back to the bar, now shielded from the room by Bull and the women. 

Herah was the only one who noticed that Bull was rearranging their little set-up. With only her eyes, she silently asked what on earth was going on, but Bull only shook his head: not now, I'll explain later. 

Herah nodded in understanding. 

The real-estate topic was nearly exhausted and the conversation threatened to move to work-related problems when Bull jumped at the opening he had been waiting for.

'So. Boss. When you're married and eventually move into this brilliant new home and you do your housewarming party . . . Will you have a big sign on the door that says "Welcome to the Cadashians"?'

The reaction he got was everything Bull had hoped for. Gwen groaned and slowly dragged a hand down her face, Josephine laughed a little and Herah laughed heartily. Cullen, as was to be expected, looked utterly confused.

'That was terrible, Bull. Awful.', Gwen said.

'What . . .', Cullen started, but was almost immediately interrupted by the high-pitched feedback sound a microphone makes when first turned on. 

'Hello? Hello? Could I have your attention, please?! Dear ladies and gentlemen . . . Yes, thank you, hello, I have an announcement to make . . . please.' 

Krem's voice came from everywhere and nowhere at the same time. Since the room didn't have a stage, Bull wasn't sure where Krem was until people moved away from him and there was a small empty space around him. 

Slowly, the noise in the room died down and Krem continued.

'Yes, thank you. Too kind . . . Well, my dear friends, we are gathered here today to celebrate the birthday of a man who doesn't have a birthday. But you know the Chargers! We grab every opportunity for a party by the horns – yes, thank you, thank you, please – aaaaannnnnnnnnnddddd . . . and this is why we find ourselves here on this balmy evening, crowded in an equally balmy room. Please let us all raise our glasses, horns, heads, arms, hands, feet, whatever, for The Iron Bull!' 

The room erupted in a loud cheer and stomping of feet. Everyone toasted Bull's health and when the Chargers started singing 'Happy birthday', the whole room joined in.

'Yes, thank you, that's enough. Stop, please. Listen. I have an announcement to make. Please. . . . Thank you. Well, you may have been wondering at the lack of entertainment offered by the host of this evening's . . . yes, errm - - - - please, thank you, quiet, please. Thank you. But fear no more. We have among us some really talented people – well, I say talented, you might call them crazy, but who am I to judge, right? Anyway. So some people have prepared a little something in order to finally make this party worth your while and I now invite you all to join me outside for a little joyous display, offered to you free of charge! So, if you would please make your way outside, I'd be much obliged. Thank you.'

Bull looked at Herah, his face a question mark. She was just as clueless. So Bull bowed and offered her his elbow like a true gentleman. With his other hand he urged Cullen to move in front of them. 

The crowd slowly filtered out. 

Night had fallen but Bull was still able to spot some unidentifiable structure a little further away from the house, obscured by what seemed to be a giant curtain. He had no idea how he had missed it earlier, but missed it he had. 

Krem shouted some more and everyone made their way down the slight slope towards what indeed turned out to be a curtain. 

Krem moved in front of the construction and urged everyone to come closer. When he was satisfied, he once again asked for silence and then intoned in his best TV presenter voice: 'Ladies and gentleman, Chargers Productions proudly presents: The Dragon Fight!'

The audience clapped a little hesitantly but got more enthusiastic when suddenly loud and dramatic music started up. With a rush of air and a thud the heavy curtain fell and revealed a two-levelled stage. On the lower floor, closer to the audience, there was a small orchestra, conducted by Vivienne. On the upper floor, a little further in the back, there was a giant and very realistic animatronic of a dragon, lighted dramatically with spotlights in several colours. 

Bull whooped and cheered. Others joined in though they fell quiet quickly to be able to listen to the music. 

After a sort of overture, the music picked up speed and several people applauded when they recognized Zevran climbing onto the stage. He dramatically flashed his knives and pretended to fight the dragon. 

Everyone gasped loudly when the dragon not only moved his head but started to spit fire, too. Bull's keen eye spotted Rocky standing to the side of the stage, remote-controlling the fire bursts. 

After some very dramatic play-acting, Zevran ended up sitting on the dragon's head which was moving as if to shake him off. He rammed his knives into the 'creature' and was pretending to hold on for dear life. The music gradually turned more quiet, though no less scary, until Zevran was heard shouting: 'I can't kill it, it won't die! Help, Bull, you have to help me! Grab your axe and help me!'

Accompanied by the loud cheers of the audience, Bull was hurried to the stage by Krem where a plastic battle axe was waiting for him. The music picked up again while he climbed the scaffolding and onto the lower level of the structure. He received some quick stage directions from Rocky, bowed to the audience and then charged at the 'writhing' dragon. 

The music was doing a fabulous job of turning this 'boss fight' truly epic. When Bull was directly under the dragon, a giant heart-shaped light came on in its body and Bull pretended to ram his axe right into it.

In a marvelously orchestrated move, all lights went out and simultaneously the music stopped. After a short pause when everyone held their breaths, fireworks started up behind the stage. Applause erupted and the crowd uuuhed and ahhhed and aaaawwwwed at each new fiery display.

The music started up again and beautifully accentuated the explosions in the sky. Bull hurried over to Vivienne and assured her he would come back to thank every one of the musicians individually, but she just waved him away a little impatiently. 

Under the cover of darkness, Rocky, Zevran and Bull made their way down from the stage.

Back on solid ground, Bull made Rocky promise to leave the dragon where it was so Bull could get a closer look in the morning. Rocky promised. Bull hugged him. 

From out of nowhere, someone jumped on Bull's back. 'That was fab, wasn't it?! You like it? Dagna made it!', Sera shouted. Indeed, another dwarf had materialized next to Rocky, her conspiratorial grin from earlier suddenly making much more sense. 'Dagna, Dagna! You're a true hero! You're the best, I don't know what else to say. Thank you so much, you made my day, my week, my year!', Bull said, leaning down to hug her too with Sera still balancing on his back. 'You're welcome!', Dagna said, laughing, and assured him that she would be there in the morning, too, to answer all of Bull's questions.

Bull shook Sera off and instead hoisted a rather surprised Zevran on his shoulder. He then made his way through the crowd to where Leliana and Gemma were standing, his journey resembling a bit of a victory lap. He lowered Zevran to the ground and there was even more hugging. Wynn presented him with a sash that read 'Dragon Slayer' and Bull picked her up and twirled her around a few times until her mock-complaints that she was too old for this sort of thing almost turned into real complaints. 

Bull thanked them all profusely and finally continued on his way. When he reached Herah, he made her admire his new sash before motioning to the stage and asking 'Did you see that? Did you see that?' over and over again. When she confirmed, that yes, she had indeed seen 'that', and proceeded to thank him for saving all of their lives, Bull picked her up, grinned up at her and finally voiced the thought that had been dominating his mind: 'Best day of my life!'

**Author's Note:**

> The inquisitors are Herah Adaar, Gwendoline Cadash, Jean Trevelyan and Johana Lavellan. Gwen gets her name from Gwendoline Christie obviously.
> 
> The warden is Gemma Tabris.
> 
> Hawke is Garret Hawke. Blue, red, purple: whichever colour you like.
> 
> Please feel free to speculate how the relationship between Gemma, Leliana and Zevran works.


End file.
